Contentment and gratitude:
So I remember back in May when my school had 100s of recruiters come to us students to meet us and see our portfolios as we were on the job hunt. We set up booths and did a reverse career fair. Some people got jobs within those 2 days, but most didn’t. I was the student that was probably least prepared in my own words, but I feel that I am pretty sure of who I am even when capability isn’t always there. I was still learning and growing in my career role, and I was looking for a change from VA. What’s crazy is that out of a handful of students that were offered jobs I was one! I was offered 2 jobs in NY before graduation. I felt so lucky, so blessed. I cried when I got the first offer, they were eager to get me up to NY even before I graduated. Then on the second day of recruiting I was approached by the Strategic director of another company and he singled me out as the person he wanted to hire and to bring on friends like me. I was blown away! Why me? I surely didn’t do anything to deserve first picks at jobs. I prayed earlier that month to be able to move if I didn’t get a job here and God answered.
Fast forward to today, I am living in Brooklyn and all that happiness over the great job and the big move soon faded. I think back to when I felt so blessed, what happened? I now can find myself complaining about the poor communication at work, not being busy enough, or too busy. Even the move up to NY was a bit brutal. My roommate and I chose a place with a shady realtor who didn’t communicate with us nor the landlord efficiently, when we moved in the apartment smelled of weed and was super loud with music blasting, and the apartment needed to be cleaned. all the sudden I was unhappy. I got the career after the degree, I got the apartment in NY and all I see are the problems. Don’t get me wrong, the problems were pretty …. problematic, but it was and has been hard to stay thankful for anything.
A friend asked me if I was content and I had to think about that. I had noticed these things happen, not to mention my attitude getting worse and my disdain for speaking to people here grew, but I didn’t see how some of the things that hurt me were creating discontentment. I feel that I am not at peace and what’s funny is that I wasn’t at peace when I lived in VA. I thought that once I get the career and move to NY I’d be on my way to feeling successful. However, what does success do when there is no end to the goal? I feel like I’m chasing for the sake of doing so. Its for me and it isn’t fulfilling on it’s own. I was reading Ecclesiastes after a friend gave lesson on it.
4 And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
5 Fools fold their hands
and ruin themselves.
6 Better one handful with tranquillity
than two handfuls with toil
and chasing after the wind.
7 Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:
8 There was a man all alone;
he had neither son nor brother.
There was no end to his toil,
yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.
“For whom am I toiling,” he asked,
“and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?”
This too is meaningless—
a miserable business!
– Ecc 4:4-8