What Clock?

It’s not that I want to be married right right now, it’s that I feel that I’m getting older, my time is running out for anyone to want me and to have children. I’m determining my happiness against my biological clock rather than the One that controls my body, He determines how it ages and who pursues me. I’m afraid of being an old mom and not getting to enjoy and keep up with them and grandkids. But if God controls ALL of it, then my body will give birth to a healthy child the way He sees fit, he will age me the way he wants in his time according to what and how he wants me to live my life. His plan is soooo much bigger than what I can see. He sees how the pieces fit together, how all the parts moving separately work together. So why do I get so caught up in this timing thing?! I actually want to enjoy my time as a single woman, loving this new freedom, career, and location. I want to enjoy it and not rush it, then regret when my life changes and the demands of marriage set it. I have no worries because God has already thought through my entire life, and he promised to prosper me, he promised that in ALL things he works for the good of those who love him, Me! He promised that he’d never leave nor forsake me, I don’t have to be ashamed of the life he’s given me because it’s unique and created special for me. That’s worth celebrating not fretting in. In my heart of hearts I love the freedom in singleness, I love the opportunities and lifestyle. I can feel rushed to find a mate because I’m 28, and in the world’s eyes that’s cutting it close. I should be interested in someone that leads to dating and working toward marriage, then be able to spend years with him, then have children before my eggs are more likely to be too old to have healthy children. BUT GOD!!! I don’t live in comparison to the status  quo anymore. I’m free from the biological clock and the pressures it puts on so many woman that drives us to desperation. Our women end up settling for anything just to satisfy a clock, but who designed this clock? Who is our God? The Lord of heaven and earth or our bodily functions? If he can promise a 90 year old barren woman a child and it happens, then where does my fear come from? And it’s not like I want a child right now, I just don’t want to loose out on the possibility in the future so it’s easy to believe I have to start the plan now. Truth though, I have no idea how God will work all that out. What I really want is peace from the pressure of society and my perceived body functions of the future. It’s so much easier not to worry about it and trust God. What a relief the creator takes the time and special care to curate exactly what plays out in my life. I’m so freaking lucky to have the freedom of both singleness and from worry. My Dad takes care of the big picture and all the details so I can take more time just living in this moment, loving life and exploring all the corners of my life right now. I’m actually in the prime of my life! It’s funny how perspective changes everything.

He makes everything beautiful in it’s time…. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11

and my time is now. 


Random thought:

God doesn’t look to the strong or equipped, he looks for the weak to represent Him so glory is his and more eyes are opened to his saving. It’s totally cool to be weak in anyway for God’s glory, it brings people to him. This is my only part of my weaknesses, there’s much more for God to use.


3 thoughts on “What Clock?

  1. You have expressed exactly what I have been thinking and struggling with for years. It has been magnified after a relationship ending this year. But thank you for reminding me that God is sovereign and his timing is better than anything I can try to force in order to fit my own.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Kara! Sorry I’m about a year and a half late responding, I took a long break from writing. Amen girl, our plan can’t measure up to what God can do. I’m so grateful that I don’t have to worry about it all, but I definitely understand the struggle. It’s always great to know someone is in the fight with us! I’ll be posting updates about my life in this area, and trust me it’s been a journey for sure, but a good one with God 🙂


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