Insecurity

To Entrust.

To put something into the care and protection of another. I feel that I entrust myself to what ever people around me think and not to the one who will judge me in the end. I see entrusting as committing something to someone in trust that things will be taken care of and protected. Do I trust God to protect and take care of me enough to entrust my self to him? My whole being? Body, mind, soul, and strength. Its difficult to drown out thoughts and subjective influences. I think very absolute about things. Either things are true or false, so if someone says something with merit, there is truth there, even if it is a subjective view of me. I get too caught up in trying to find out if things are wholly true or false and loose my security in what I know to be true. Would I worry so much if I knew that the one I entrusted myself to would be the only one I answer to? When I give into what everyone thinks I answer to those thoughts and those people, but God is my judge, I do my best for him, I live and die within him. So how does all of this throw me off? As it relates to grad school, for example, I had an evaluation from my peers about my performance. Majority of the things said were expected and true about my strengths and things I could improve on, but there were two comments that threw me into a craze. Just two comments that made me question myself and second guess how well I may be doing overall. How is that? I didn’t focus on the majority of the evaluation that was helpful, I focused on the two things that were based on opinion and brought me down. I don’t mean to say I should just skip over this, or act like it didn’t affect me because it did, but it rocked me and made me feel like this was true rather than looking at the bigger picture. My hope is to deal with things that come along that aren’t pleasant, see the truth, and have confidence in how God sees me. I don’t want to focus on the things I can take negatively, just to have a sober evaluation of myself and understand that I have entrusted myself to God. If I need to improve it won’t be to impress those who judge me, but for God to see my best.

1 Peter 2:19

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